HELPLESS
by Robin Meredith
Tonight, as my two boys, Zavdi and Yoel, and I arrived home, I was startled by a huge wasp that had taken control of my kitchen. As I stood there trying to decide how best to kill it, and (furiously) praying for God to help me not to be scared, I began to think for the first time what the worst outcome could be. What was I really afraid of?
I figured that it could maybe sting me once or twice if I missed and got it really angry at me. In any case, I'd be hurt, so I was defending myself against the possible pain that an inch long wasp could inflict upon me. I was scared because he had the power to hurt me.
You know, I don't like being vulnerable. VULNERABLE. I don't think I even like the word. It ranks right up there with HELPLESS. My mind then races ahead to 'exposed' and then right on to (and this isn't funny anymore), sinful. My three year old son Zavdi, asked me about sin the other day. We were talking about Adam and Eve and that awful tree, and I just wonder what you would have told him about sin.
Sin isn't a very popular subject anymore, except among people who point fingers at televangelists. But for most of us, sin is something someone else does, someone who's a sinner. It used to at least be someone who committed murder or adultery, but now even those lines are getting fuzzy, so maybe now it's someone who was cruel to us, or to children, or to animals. I don't know, just ask yourself what sin is.
When I think of sin, I usually feel a knot in my stomach marked 'CONDEMNATION.' I don't like that word either. It's a relative of guilt and that's something our mothers inspired within us. At least mine did. She wasn't always right (now I know that some of the things she taught me not to do are right; and some of the things she thought were OK, like 'little white lies' and eating pork, are not), but she was effective. At least until recently.
She was effective because I gave her the position of God in my life. I believe mankind has an innate fear of someone or something we call God. Whether it's the Holy One of Israel or not, is a matter of training. God is the one we surrender control of our lives to. It could be the Holy One, if we know Him and thus love Him; or money or approval, etc.
Well, I had sold her my soul and taken her yoke, and it left me full of condemnation and guilt because I'm rebellious and disobedient to the core. Such words. I could never live up to her expectations. Ever try to make enough money? Or get your wardrobe coordinated? And her laws were rigid and far above me, unlike the Torah of Moses:
'Surely this Teaching which I enjoin upon you this day is not too baffling for you, nor is it beyond your reach. It is not in the Heavens that you should say, 'Who among us can go up to the Heavens and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?' Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, 'Who among us can cross to the other side of the sea and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?' No, the thing is very close to you in your mouth, and in your heart to observe it.' (Deut. 30:11-14)
Actually, I see now that the problem wasn't with the laws, it was with me. Because they wouldn't have been far above me if I had submitted to them in love. Not in deed, because I obeyed my mother for years and kept inching toward death by strangulation. And I could have submitted to her without taking her yoke.
You see, I've found in every situation that people and things, are very cruel taskmasters. They always leave me feeling that I haven't done enough, that I haven't made the grade. That's because I haven't. God knew that and that's why he brought it down to us. Can you imagine re-writing Exodus 19:9ff like this:
'And speak to the Sons of Israel saying, 'Purify yourselves and then all of you come up the Mountain and when you get to the top, I'll give you My Torah so you can learn how to be holy. But remember, anyone that is not holy who touches the Mountain must be put to death.'
No! He said, 'Wait there where you are because to touch the Mountain would mean your death. So, I'll come down and speak to you so that you can learn to be holy for Me.' Yeshua said,
'Come to Me, all you who labor and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder My Yoke and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul.' (Matthew 11:28-29)
All the yokes I've ever borne have left me heavy laden. And all the taskmasters I've ever been enslaved to, have left me feeling helpless and vulnerable under their yoke. I've lived a lifetime of guilt and frustration and finally, bitterness and depression. The tension left me with no place to turn and I wanted death's yoke, just to be free of all the others. Until recently.
There was one yoke I hadn't tried yet. I knew it was there staring me in the face all my life and that was the one yoke I would never take. If I sold my soul to God, He's REALLY BIG, and I'd be helpless and I'd get stung...
So, what was I really afraid of? I had kept God at arm's length to defend myself from the hurt I'd feel if He stung me, with His Wrath, which I knew I deserved. I defended myself from the pain I'd experience if He asked me to be good and I wouldn't be good enough for Him, as I knew I couldn't.
I was scared because He was my last hope, my ace in the hole, and what if I played my card, gave Him all of me, and...and...and...I got stung?! Everyone else had stung me, could the King of the Universe do worse? But could He do better? Could He work for me? Could He be the answer? If I cashed it all in on Him, would He really come through for me?
Later tonight, a friend came over and killed the wasp. But, as the story was related to me, the wasp's wings were already burned from getting too close to a lamp. And it still took several tries until it was dead, and I was safe and unhurt. And now it couldn't sting me anymore. And I was moved with compassion and love, for this wasp that I had previously feared.
Yeshua came and suffered a cruel trial, mocking and scourging, a crown of thorns, and being stripped by Gentiles, and died a cruel and agonizing death upon a stake. He hadn't done anything wrong, and He hadn't stung anyone because He didn't come to judge anyone or to condemn them.
He came to bring life. And now, because He live in perfect fulfillment of Torah and died, died only because of WHO HE WAS, now death can not sting me, and I'm safe and He's not gong to hurt me or let me down, and I am moved with compassion and love for the One who has brought me life. For having risen from the dead by the Power of God, He has conquered death, and lives, and so do I. And I've chosen to take His Yoke of Life. Recently.
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